No, Every Negative Person in Your Life is Not a Narcissist

I see it all the time on social media – Person A is venting about someone in their life and other people start piling on, and before you know it, terms like “narcissist” and “sociopath” are being thrown around. Myself and many of my colleagues hear our clients label people in their lives and look to us for validation that there must be something psychologically wrong with someone who treats them so poorly.

So, here’s the sad reality: sometimes a jerk is a jerk. And being a jerk is not necessarily a clinical disorder.

(And yes, I am using the clean, Rated G term here – feel free to substitute your own word for jerk. I certainly do when I’m not writing on my practice’s blog for the world to read).

There can be a strong desire to label people and put them into neat little boxes. It stems from our desire to make sense of an otherwise chaotic world that can be overwhelming. We have a desire to find explanations for why people act the way they act, and sometimes, we are looking to find excuses for why people act the way they act – because if we have an excuse, maybe we don’t have to hold them responsible for their behaviors.

Or maybe we don’t have to hold ourselves responsible for putting up with their behaviors.

There can be a certain comfort in finding a clinical label for why someone behaves inappropriately or cruelly. It gives us comfort that their behavior is a mistake of nature or genetics – we humans aren’t supposed to be wired to behave so poorly. But, in many cases, it’s not a personality disorder or clinical disorder underlying jerk behavior – it’s the person’s attitude towards others and their beliefs about themselves that are the driving force.

Not everything that is dysfunctional is pathological. Most jerks do not meet the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder – or any personality disorder at all. Chances are, their jerk-like behaviors may actually serve them well in certain environments, reinforcing their behaviors.

Rather than attempting to diagnose or label the people in our lives who cause us distress, we are better served by determining how we can take steps to protect ourselves and defend our sense of wellbeing. Channel your energy into places where you can have influence and affect a positive outcome, rather than focusing on the behavior of someone else that you cannot control.

Are you having trouble dealing with a family member, friend, co-parent, or co-worker and are looking for strategies to regain your sense of peace? Reach out to Horizon Psychological Services today to find a therapist who might be a good fit for you.